my narcissism is scarier than any demon you could conjure.

I have a killer case of the espresso martini brain fuzzies and thus, am treating myself to a little comic relief compliments of the kookady kooks at Thought Catalogue. That Ryan O’Connell, he is one funny dude….

Blogging ‘Bout My Generation

I don’t have a job because I’m young. Haven’t you read that New York Times piece about me? I don’t want to work. I’m just looking for a full-time job as a Young Unprofessional. The requirements would be to have no work ethic, show up to “work” hungover after having a wild night out, and tweeting mean things about my boss. Is anyone hiring? I need money to buy Kombucha and Xanax. This is serious. Give me a job, you crypt keepers! if not, I’ll just continue to be the person you want me to be—lying on my iKea couch watching Reality Bites. Life imitates blog.

I don’t know how to love anyone because I’m young. In other languages, “young” loosely translates to “heartless creep with a nice ass.” You better watch it because a young person with internet access is coming to a bed near you! If you disappoint me, I’ll tweet about it to my 1,298 followers.  I am that evil. People would describe me as a character on Skins mixed with any Bret Easton Ellis character. My narcissism is scarier than any demon you could conjure.

I don’t have any money because I’m young. But you know I still buy exclusively organic at Whole Foods and you know I’ll spend my last twenty dollars on a macrobiotic salad because I partied hard last night and need to start treating my body with respect. Money is overrated anyway. The real currency is in a blog comment, an American Apparel leotard, a new Twitter follower, a how to guide on living, dreaming, breathing.

I do tons of drugs because I’m young, Yikes, I have a headache. I better take an Oxy! I place no real value on my life, didn’t you know? I choose doing coke over having sex because meaningful connections terrify me and I’m just so disconnected. What is this? Real emotion? Get it off of me! Did I catch it? I better have vacuous sex with a stranger. I read somewhere that it’s the only way to get rid of real feelings. That’s what young people do anyway. Right?

I listen to Grizzly Bear because I’m young. I love riding my bike to the summer festivals in a crop top and tweeting, “Riding my beach cruiser in a crop top to see grizzly b. Summer skin, laughter and mimosas!” I’ll then do a Twitpic and post it to my Facebook and Tumblr, and by the end of the night, my vapid youth will have cum all over the world wide web. You’ll hate me for all of it because I’m young. I will feed into it exactly the way you want me to.

You want me to be bad, don’t you? You want to talk about how awful I am and how my generation is fucked and how I need to get a job and get some perspective and some feelings and a pair of boot cut jeans, for christ’s sake!  Fine. Because I’m young, I’ll give you something to blog about. But only because I’m young.

Images via Sophomore.

wooooo #7.

Babetown numero uno Jason Crombie has just sprinkled fairy dust over my day by confirming that the newest edition Wooooo Magazine is currently at the printers and will be in my hot little hands faster than I can say “MARRY ME CROMBIE.”

What is Wooooo? God I am that sick of explaining this to you. Here, read this….

portrait.

Lottie Deadly anyone? My amazing wonderful beautiful friend Lottie Swayzey Korkova took a page out of Vaughan Dead’s book & whipped up this little visual ditty of yours truly for my birthday. Side note, I have a nose ring, nothing iffy.

three men & a ghost.

Yet another reason to love Vaughan Dead (like I need it). He has just posted this infamous video from the 1980′s classic Three Men & a Baby. You know, with the GHOST child watching you from behind a curtain? Don’t believe me? Watch it closely around the 0.35 second mark. Creeeeeeeepy.

Ps Tom Sellick aka The Moustache aka Magnum P.I. was such a honey right?

and the winner is….

SYD-EN-NEY! Yes kids that’s right! I’m heading north for a while. And good golly miss Molly am I glad to be sharing this with you. Staying quiet and keeping secrets is not my strong suit, so this has been like total torture….

But now the cats outta the bag and we can talk Skids until the cows come home. (Too many animal related metaphors, sorry). Speaking of cats, look what Colombia sent me!

glee x stevie.

I have a friend, let’s call him ‘Tim’, who really REALLY likes Glee but is too scared to share it with the world. ‘Glee is awesome’ I tell him, ‘Don’t be ashamed.’ But little Timmy is ashamed and threatened to ‘throw shit at my face’ if I ever told anyone of his deep love for the show. So instead, I shall simply rebut his argument that Glee is only for girls (and girly boys) and not for men. ‘But however can this be done?’ you ask. With the power of Stevie, that’s how….

ellis on sheen.

Still not over the media shit storm that is Charlie Sheen? Neither. I find it entertaining on many, many levels. Like seriously, this guys head is going to explode!

So if like me, you want more, click here to read Bret Easton Ellis’ 4000 word essay on Sheen’s undoing for the Daily Beast.

people more interesting than me: joaquin phoenix

Have you seen I’m Still Here yet? You know, that movie directed by Casey Affleck that documents a batshit insane Joaquin Phoenix as he attempts to transition from A-list actor to rap superstar. If you haven’t, you must. It’s so weird slash hilarious slash depressing slash confronting slash genius.

I watched it over the weekend and kind of wish I didn’t know it was a sham…. Yes, as admitted by Affleck in September of last year, the whole documentery is a fake. Bored with the straighty 180′s of Hollywood, Phoenix & Affleck decided it would be a bit of fun to ruffle some feathers with the unravelling of an Oscar nominated actor in his prime.

After watching it I’m convinced of two things; 1. Joaquin Phoenix is the greatest actor of all time. 2. Joaquin Phoenix is actually nuts.

Even if the whole doco and concept was made up, you have to be totally coco bananas to sacrifice your entire career and act insane for TWO WHOLE YEARS. But man does it make for some good viewing.

Take this clip for example, Phoenix in character as crazy ‘JP’ on Letterman. Needless to say, Dave is less than impressed….



blogs to blog about: vaughan deadly.

So I want to make out with Vaughan Dead. Not only because he is hilarious or plays guitar in Goons of Doom but also because there is a large part of me that is convinced he would be totally hot….  I have no proof and am too lazy to google him but I just feel like he would be.

On a more concrete level, Vaughan Dead is a senior writer for Monster Children, probably the second best magazine on the shelves at Border’s, and a gifted artist on the technically advanced Microsoft Paint, or so it would seem.

UPDATE: confirmed by Lottie, apaz he is in fact ’a total babe.’

Check out the said artwork here on his blog that consists of him telling you about people he knows. Genius. I especially like the entry below about Kill Pixie, one of Australia’s greatest artistic exports.

crazy pants.

So apparently nothing brings a community together like an A-List star going ‘whoa nelly’ crazy? Yep you guess it, old mate Chaz Sheen. Pretty funny feature on LifeLounge here.